


Irrespective

by maxxrose



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Anime Dependent, Anteiku Café (Tokyo Ghoul), M/M, Tragedy, i will never get over this, tokyo ghoul - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:13:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27572092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxxrose/pseuds/maxxrose
Summary: You are Kaneki Ken, when the love of your life takes his final breath in your arms.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	Irrespective

You are Kaneki Ken, and the flames are hungry, licking at the air like tendrils of an ivy plant. 

You don't really care, because your best friend (someone you love) is in your arms, and you are Kaneki Ken and you hate yourself for this, for the way the two of you have ended up.

_This is what you were trying to prevent._

_Keep him safe?_

Your best friend (if you can even call him that anymore) flickers his eyes open, and you are trying to suppress a scream—it's bubbling in your throat, you want to _scream_ —but you instead smile, force yourself to lift your trembling right hand and smear away the blood and the sweat from your best friend (the love of your life)'s face. 

His eyes are a warm golden brown, and you are Kane—no, you are a _ghoul,_ and you think about how the blood pooling in between your fingers, your entwined hands, staining his vest an inky mess, all you can think about is how red isn't really his color. 

No, your best friend has always liked yellow.

He says something really soft, and you can't stop it when your heart splinters apart.

"Hide," you say, _you don't have the right to say anything,_ "No," _when all you want to say is tell him to stay. No. He's not allowed to leave you._

_Everyone's left you._

_And you're okay with it. You don't really care. They're allowed to leave._

_But he's the only one who can't leave you._

He tries to smile, teeth stained red, and there's something wet and stinging sliding down your cheeks, and it feels like Jason ( _Yamori, your maker)_ is hilting a knife against your skin, the tender skin underneath your eyelids, and then the blade pricks you apart and it's tearing it's _tearing it's tearing—_

"Let's go home." 

The love of your life says, and he holds your hand, squeezes it so soft, and it takes everything ( _everything)_ in you not to give into the roaring blood and thunder thrumming in your veins, the ache in your lower back, the _pain, the pure agony that comes with watching your best friend die in your arms._ You don't want to do this. No, you _can't._

You are Kaneki Ken, and you have so many regrets.

You press your nose into his tangled, sweaty hair, he smells like sunshine and home and so _human_ something dark in your stomach twinges. 

He smells—

He smells like home. 

He smiles, it must hurt to smile, when all the blood in his body is dripping down _your_ fingers, you can't get over how wrong this all is, this is _not_ what is supposed to happen. Your best friend (the love of your life) shudders, the wound in his stomach _pulses,_ you want to break the sky apart with your hands and your kagune and there's an unbearable burning in your eye when he asks you to go home with him, and the way his last word slurs, you feel your whole world being tilted on an axis you won't ever be able to right. 

Time passes so slow here, you think. 

You hold him tighter.

"Okay," you say, you want to say _so much more,_ but you're the one who left and you have no right to say anything anymore. 

You hold him so tight your nails dig into his pale skin, you try to tell him how much he means to you through the warmth of your hands. 

But you are Kaneki Ken and you are a _ghoul,_ a monster, and your hands haven't been warm in a very long time. 

Since you left him behind. 

He has always been what makes you human. 

You hold him so tight that when you curl over his body like a desperate mother over a beloved child, you can try to ignore the resounding crack overhead when the ceiling starts to shake apart and you can definitely ignore it when some of it rains over your back (you're covering him with your body, it's the fucking least you can do). He presses weakly against your hands, and your eye _throbs_.

You hold him so his chest touches yours, so his nose is an inch away from yours, you hold him so that when you press a kiss to his forehead and then to his nose and finally when you look at his lips—

You can think of the life you could've have had with him. 

_So you can remember him as the light he always was._

Not like this. 

You touch his cold lips with the tip of your fingers (you cannot ignore the blood anymore) and you tell him you love him.

You are Kaneki Ken, when the love of your life takes his final breath in your arms. 


End file.
